The Urbane Decay Has Never Kissed A Girl

by The Urbane Decay

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about

Self-pitying indie-rock concept album about a doomed crush that borders on stalking (and the album itself is basically the entitled whinging of a 34 year-old manchild).

credits

released July 1, 2007

Jakob Rehlinger: Vocals, instruments.
Jamie Anderson: Vocals.

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license

all rights reserved

about

The Urbane Decay Toronto, Ontario

The Urbane Decay is an indie pop recording project mainly active between 2002-2009, mainly by Jakob Rehlinger, mainly maudlin and mopey.

contact / help

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Track Name: Traffic
Sometimes after I’ve seen you
I think I should just put a blindfold
Smoke a final cigarette
And walk right into the midday traffic

It would be a little bit faster than this
It might hurt just a little bit less

Yet I'm not even hurting today
The sound of your voice on the telephone
Feels like a soft, warm red scarf
And for the whole eleven seconds of your message

I am weightless
I am weightless

I’ve drifted back down to the floor
And the apartment feels empty again
Yet somehow packed full of silence
So I replay your message seven times

And I float to the ceiling
seven more times
And I float to the ceiling
seven more times

Sometimes after I’ve seen you
I think I should just put a blindfold
Smoke a final cigarette
And walk right into the midday traffic

It would be a little bit faster than this
It might hurt just a little bit less

I am weightless
I am weightless
I am weightless
I am weightless
Track Name: Giving Up On You
I’m giving up on you
I’m giving up on you
I’ve seen what I gotta do
I’m giving up on you

I have our house picked out
and the names of our kids
and the car we’re going to drive
it’s never been like this before
I forget that we’re not married
forget that we’re not dating
you’re just a friend I see sometimes
just a friend who spends my time

so I’m giving up on you
I’m giving up on you
I’ve seen what I gotta do
I’m giving up on you

should I even be at this table
eating curry and drinking thai beer?
as I push crumbs of rice around my plate
I can’t follow what you’re saying
I’m nodding and counting the ways
this situation will mess me up
when you start dating someone else
when you’re dating someone else

so I’m giving up on you
I’m giving up on you
I’ve seen what I gotta do
I’m giving up on you

I have this crazy dream
we’re lying in our bed
the sun has long since risen
but we’re not getting up
you kiss my cheek and whisper
“why did you wait for me?”
and I hold you tight and say
because because because because…

I wasn’t giving up on you
I wasn’t giving up on you
I saw what I had to do
and I wasn’t giving up on you

I’m not giving up on you
I’m not giving up on you
I’ve seen what I gotta do
but I’m not giving up on you
Track Name: I Never Kiss The Girls I Really Like
never kissed a girl
i really, really liked
or maybe stopped liking them
when i made them cry
i took your song's advice
and found a girl my own age
and she really, really liked me
but not quite in that way

even whan I ‘m getting laid
it’s a lonely, lonely night
I never kiss the girls
i really, really like

stephen's mistress told me this
she thought that years ago
you and i were dating
‘cause we always stood together at the rock show
but facing in different ways
like we were bored of one another
she was sad for us because
we were obviously breaking up

but I wasn’t even aware
you were were standing there
and if I was, you’d only made your mark
as some friend of chris clark’s
this was long before I saw your band
where you drum on that bike
singing songs about never finding a girl
I really, really like

all the girls I knew I knew
grew up and moved away
and druggies or moms or both
are the only ones who stayed
I hope it doesn’t sound
like I’m coming on to you
I’m just feeling old these days
and you remind me of my youth

this poor old boy found a girl
he wants to make his wife
but I never kiss the girls
i really, really like
I never kiss the girls
i really, really like
Track Name: That's Why They Call It a Crush
everytime you fall
you end up a mess
that’s why they call it a crush
and not a caress

you think you will never
love somebody again
but libidos run
as regular as trains

you'll get on that platform
you’ll get trampled in the rush
that’s why they call it a crush
they call it a crush

don’t let them know
how they make you feel
like for once in your life
you found something real

when you touch their hand
don’t let them suspect
that it isn't by accident
and you’re thinking of sex

don’t tell them how you feel
keep it cool and keep it real
you know why they call it a crush
they call it a crush

in the cold war the russians
didn't believe in crushin'
they just took what they wanted
and when they died they weren't haunted

all those bodies in the graves
like withered husks of corn
not too long ago were someone’s wet dream
someone’s porn

and that hottie from your work
you think would find you dull
will soon be with them in the cemetery dirt
with worms crawling in their skull

you’re gonna die soon enough
really, what’s your rush?
you know why they call it a crush
they call it a crush
don’t tell them how you feel
keep it cool and keep it real
you know why they call it a crush
they call it a crush
Track Name: Boy + Girl = Trouble
boy plus girl equals trouble
girl plus boy equals trouble
boy plus boy equals trouble
girl plus girl equals trouble

boy minus girl equals trouble
girl minus boy equals trouble
boy plus girl plus boy equals trouble
girl plus girl plus boy equals trouble

when you fall
you never know how hard you’re falling
you can try to hang on
but everbody comes when they hear the calling

boy plus girl equals trouble
girl plus boy equals trouble
boy minus girl equals trouble
girl minus boy equals trouble

boy plus girl divided by girl plus boy
divided by boy times boy
minus girl, it's trouble
it equals trouble

when you touch
your heart starts skipping and you blush
try to keep it together
but we fall apart when we’re feel the crush

boy plus girl equals trouble
girl plus boy equals trouble
boy plus boy equals trouble
girl plus girl equals trouble

boy plus girl plus boy equals trouble
girl plus girl plus boy equals trouble
boy plus boy plus girl equals trouble
girl plus boy plus girl equals trouble
Track Name: I Can Drive Myself Home
It's better this way
I can love you from afar
I can love you from across the street
In the comfort of my car

And when you turn off your lights
I can wish you good night
And drive myself home
And drive myself home
I can drive myself home
I can drive myself home
I can drive
I can drive

It's better this way
We'll never break up
We've never have a screaming fight
And have to make up

You'll never grow to hate me
Because you'll never date me
And I'll drive myself home
And I'll drive myself home
I can drive myself home
I can drive myself home
I can drive
I can drive
Track Name: I Need You To Send Me an Email
I need you to send me an email
or I may start crying at my desk
is that not the most pathetic thing?
apparently something inside me
has fallen completely apart

and so I need you to send me an email
it doesn't have to say anything important
it can be two or three words
send me a joke, send me a link

i know you can't write that you love me
or want to touch me
or you're thinking of me always
or of me holding you like a priceless artifact
or daydreaming of being in a coma
and me waking you with a kiss

I know I’m not in those daydreams
those are my daydreams
I wish I were in a coma
waiting for your kiss

I need you to send me an email
just tell me you're busy
tell me it's raining
tell me anything

I thought I could wait it out
for you to realize you were falling in love
but I feel it creeping in like dry rot —
that bitter taste I get when I think of you
where did the sweetness go?

I need you to send me an email
or I may start crying at my desk
Track Name: All Summer Crush
I went to the 7-eleven hoping
you’d be there just by chance
now I’m eating icecream alone
and I’m calling it romance

I’m prepared to wait all summer
there really is no rush
I don’t want you for a lover
I want you for a summer crush
all summer crush

some how you make me feel
I’ve forgotten how to be young
when I try to flirt with you
the words they die on my tongue

I’m prepared to wait all summer
there really is no rush
I don’t want you for a lover
I want you for a summer crush
all summer crush

back at your place I wanted to
lay in the dark, hold hands with you
fall asleep in our clothes
just feeling safe with someone close

I’m prepared to wait all summer
there really is no rush
I don’t want you for a lover
I want you for a summer crush
all summer crush
Track Name: Overdose
there ain’t no one better
there’s no one close
if I have to die
I hope I overdose

on you
and your kisses
and your touch
and your voice

I try not to want you
but I have no choice

there’s a million fish in the sea
I could catch one in a net
you never know what you lost
til you lose something better yet

there ain’t no one better
there’s no one close
if I have to die
I hope I overdose

I hope I overdose
I hope I overdose
I hope I overdose
on you

there ain’t no one better
there’s no one close
if I have to die
I hope I overdose

there’s a million fish in the sea
I could catch one in a net
you never know what you lost
til you lose something better yet

there’s a million fish in the sea
I could catch one in a net
you never know what you lost
til you lose something better yet

I hope I overdose
I hope I overdose
I hope I overdose
Track Name: In the Bathroom at the Gay Bar
the DJ boys next door have girlfriends
who are beautiful and awful
with shrill voices that shatter
when they fuck and when they fight

the year is half over
and I keep getting older
but the girls I have crushes on
will be 21 forever
forever….

I learned something about myself
I never knew before tonight
I have a thing for drag-kings
girls with pencil moustaches are so hot

what’s the hope for a man who likes
underage cross-dressing dykes
you might think he’s doomed to watch
marlene dietrich movies alone forever
forever….

in the bathroom of the gay bar
the guy taking a leak beside me said
“you’ve got a real 90’s look about you
like cobain or rivers cuomo”

it’s not that good a story
in fact it’s kind of boring
but I wish I could tell it to you forever
forever….
Track Name: Do The Fade
do the fade
do the fade
don't say goodbye
just do the fade

don't walk out the door
just disipate
it's easier that way
do the fade

don't phone or write
or drop by one night
with your option weighed
just do the fade

don’t leave me confused
or feeling bruised
by explainations made
just do the fade

you don't owe me a note
i know it by rote
the debt has been paid
do the fade

don't say goodbye
just drift away
just disipate
do the fade

it's easier this way
if we do the fade
it's easier this way
if we do the fade