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This Stillness

from Muzzy by The Urbane Decay

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about

Another song based on a quote by Spock from a Star Trek episode (see "Having + Wanting"). Also a quote by Nate from the show Six Feet Under that really resonated with me at the time. My girlfriend, with whom I was breaking-up during the writing of this song, was a passionate woman and would observe that there was a zen-like "stillness" to me. It wasn't entirely a complimentary observation. She wasn't the first girlfriend to note this (see the cover of the album "Depleted") and in the past I'd felt this meant I was an incomplete, broken or deeply flawed person. In a way, she helped me finally accept and embrace my nature and understand who and what I needed from life. Looking back it was like being reborn.

lyrics

Spock once said to Bones
The healthy release of emotion
Is often unhealthy
for those closest to us

Keeping this in mind I never
Explode in anger or rage
This makes me easy to live with
This makes me easy to be around

But the cost is I never
Radiate excitement or joy
This makes me withering to live with
This makes me withering to be around

It has driven
Every heart I’ve loved away
I have driven
Every heart I’ve loved away

I spent years thinking
I had been, at some point, damaged
Believing my nature
Couldn’t be this stillness
This quiet stillness

But I have come to know myself
To recognise the patterns
I’ve always been this way
And always fought it

Like Nate said to Brenda
On his deathbed
I’m tired of fighting it
I’m tired of fighting my nature
I’m tired of fighting it
I’m tired of fighting my nature

It has driven
Every heart I’ve loved away
I have driven
Every heart I’ve loved away

credits

from Muzzy, released June 6, 2008

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The Urbane Decay Toronto, Ontario

The Urbane Decay was an indie pop recording project mainly active between 2002-2010, mainly by Jakob Rehlinger, mainly maudlin and mopey.

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